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    • WTF 5..7 Tour - Red Rock >
      • General >
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        • Managing the Desert Heat
      • Black Velvet Canyon >
        • Lazy Buttress/Whisky Peak E >
          • Day 79: Schaeffer's Delight
          • Day 83: Ballantine Blast
          • Day 86: Lazy Buttress (Climb)
      • Calico 1 (1st Pullout) >
        • Amusement Park
        • Day 17: Civilization
        • Day 20: Panty Wall
        • Day 14: The Slab
        • Day 21: Wall of Death & Hamlet
        • Day 24: Child's Play
        • Day 49: Ultraman
        • Day 50: Dog Wall & Fixx Cliff
        • Day 51: Tuna and Chips
        • Day 53: Viagra Towers
        • Day 59 Iron Man - Necco Waif
        • Day 80 - Tuna Cookies
        • Day 80 - Diamond Dance - The Oasis
        • Day 81 - CarlyQuinn Crag
      • Calico 2 (2nd Pullout) >
        • Day 13: Meetup & Black Corridor
        • Day 28: Retirement Plan
        • Day 52: The Walrus, Running Man, & Sweet Pain
        • Day 54: USS Crag & Tsunami
        • Day 56: Great Red Book Wall
        • Day 66: The Gallery
      • First Creek Canyon >
        • First Creek Slabs >
          • Day 40: Falling Stars & Bad Moon Arising
          • Day 67: Smiley Face
          • Day 94: Romanian Rib Right
          • Day 95: Romanian Rib Left
        • Lotta Balls Wall >
          • Day 88: Lotta Brews
        • Romper Room >
          • Day 42: Algae on Parade
          • Day 67: Romper Room 2
        • Schoolyard >
          • Day 44: School Yard 1 - Deja Vu & Short Subject
          • Day 77: School Yard -Sunday School & Dunce's Corner
          • Day 89: Schoolyard Bully
        • Slot Club Area >
          • Day 78: Escondite
        • Strawberry Hill >
          • Day 43: This Ain't the F'n Way!
      • Icebox Canyon >
        • Day 12: Sunnyside & Frigid Air
        • Day 39: Necromancer - Hop Route
        • Day 57: Tarkus Crack (Tiki Cliff)
      • Juniper Canyon >
        • Jackrabbit Buttress >
          • Day 16: Myster Z
          • Day 35: Mz. Why
        • Rose Tower >
          • Day 64: Canola Cracks
          • Day 87: Olive Oil
      • Kraft Mountain >
        • Day 6 (and 90): Conundrum Crag
        • Day 7: Caligula Crag
        • Day 4: Three Peaks and Yin & Yang
        • Day 10: Winter Heat
      • Mt. Wilson >
        • Day 41: Limon
        • Day 72: Gentleman's Club - Silicone Sag
      • Oak Creek Canyon >
        • Day 37: Johnny Vegas
        • Day 65: Tan Line
        • Day 68: Byrd Pinnacle
        • Day 92: Beulah's Arete
      • Pine Creek Canyon >
        • Day 22: Mescalito E - Too Many Tantrums
        • Day 23: Mescalito E - Pauligk Pillar
        • Day 27: Straight Shooter Wall
        • Day 31: Robin Trowel (Abutment) & Stick Gully 1
        • Day 32-34: Flight Path
        • Day 34: Stick Gully 2 - Prelude
        • Day 36: Birdland
        • Day 38: Diarrhea Dialect (Bullnose Wall)
        • Day 48: Cat in the Hat
        • Day 62: Stick Gully - Box of Rain
        • Day 63: Cookie Monster
        • Day 69: Soloist Crack
      • Red Springs >
        • Day 2: Cowlick and Cannibal
        • Day 1: Cut Your Teeth, Hide & Seek, Happy Acres
        • Day 3: Dickies (Seems Like a Butt)
        • Day 8: Fringe
        • Day 5: Moderate Mecca
        • Day 9: Reptile & Fox Walls
        • Day 45: Gnat Man
        • Day 55: Coco Crag
        • Day 58: In Through the Out Door (Ridinghood Wall)
        • Day 91: Guys and Ghouls
      • Sandstone Quarry >
        • Day 29: High Scalin'
        • Day 47: Man's Best Friend & Americrag
        • Day 66: Hall of Fame - Ms. Adventure
      • Southern Outcrops >
        • Day 70 & 71: Chocolate Rocks
        • Day 82: Illusion Crag - Part 1
      • White Rock Springs >
        • Angel Food Wall >
          • Day 11: Group Therapy
        • Day 25: The Ledger
        • Seraphim Wall >
          • Day 91: Ride the Wind
      • Willow Springs >
        • Day 15: Mother's and Outhouse
        • Day 18: Mossy Ledges - Pussy Nuts
        • Day 19: Mossy Ledges 2
        • Day 26: Graduate Cliff - Pre Skool Part 1 >
          • Day 46: Pre Skool Part Deux
        • Day 60 & 61: Graduate Cliff 2
        • Day 30 - Gold Digger
        • Day 61: Ragged Edges - Footloose
        • Day 62: Case Face - Space Case
        • Day 73: Ragged Edges Area
        • Day 74 Peaches (Children's Wall)
        • Day 75 N' Plus Ultra 1 - Geezer Face & Lucky Charms
        • Day 76: N'Plus Ultra 2 - Pillar Talk & Chocolate Tranquility Fountain
        • Day 84: N'Plus Ultra Part 3 - Cereal Killer
        • Day 84: Lost Creek Canyon - Grey Matter
        • Day 85: Communist Plan at Lost & Found
        • Day 94: Double Pin-etration N'Plus Ultra
    • Meet Our Tools >
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      • Van Life: Tankenstein >
        • Tankenstein Gets Gutted
        • Van Life: Rebuilding Tankenstein >
          • Glowing Disco Counter Top
          • Cold Food Storage
          • Bouldering-pad-bench
          • Insulation and Vent Fan
          • Quick Fixes
          • Kingsized Pullout Bed
      • Ultralight Exposure Protection Gear

Adventure Blog:
Utterly Heinous Approaches

Let's face it, some approaches suck and some approaches suck WORSE. The reason for that suckiness varies:
  • impenetrable, thorny vegetation;
  • steep loose scree;
  • steep packed eroded trail that can cause your ass to hit the ground faster than you can blink an eye;
  • physically arduous boulderfields;
  • ongoing sections of 4th and 5th class climbing;
  • confusing and difficult route finding;
  • repeated points of dangerous exposure; or
  • any combination of the above.

The extent of heinousness varies with the length, frequency, and combination of factors listed above, compounded by the distance of the trail. Here is the mathematical equation for it (haha!):

total trail distance x [distance of suck-factor 1 + distance of suck factor 2 + add in as many suck factors as applies to that trail] raised to the number of major damage or RIP exposure points = total suckiness.

Our absolute worst trail rating is GLWT ("good luck with that.") That means either we could not figure out how to get the the crag without dying from RIP exposure or the approach up to that point sucked every last ounce of umph from us such that our bodies said, "No more, we still have to turn around and go back!" (Now, granted, often when we went deep into a canyon, we didn't just head straight back into the canyon, we mapped other physically arduous approaches along the way. So, we recognize that we may have been overly exhausted by the time we reached a certain point.)

The next to worst trail rating is Soul Crushing. That means we never ever want to do that trail again and we wouldn't wish it upon our worst enemy. Although I joke about the mathematical formula above, we aren't that measured about the trail ratings. Really, Soul Crushing is measured by one or more of the following:
  • the number of F-bombs we drop along the way;
  • the desire to lay down at any given spot and curl up in the fetal position; and, in my (Stef's) case
  • if it makes me start crying.

I joke about the times I cry on the trail, but really, if a trail makes me cry, it is almost automatically Soul Crushing.

Fortunately there are not that many Soul Crushing trails we have encountered. And, sometimes those ultra-heinous trails are avoidable - like at the end of First Creek Canyon in Red Rock Canyon, NV. The image below shows our raw GPS data (the black lines), which represent the exact path we took to get from point A to point B. The squiggly line is actually a soul-crushing trail because of super thick thorny and dead vegetation, mixed in with steep boulders, and very difficult path-finding. That is compounded by being at the end of an already long approach. Now, the less-squiggly line is actually a la-de-da-cruiser trail. Granted, we did not discover that easy trail until after having already forged through the trail-from-hell.

We got sucked into the trail-from-hell because it looked like there a was a path that followed the cliff to get from the left side of the Slippery Apron to the Right side of the Slippery Apron. In most cases at a crag, there is a connecting trail between the left and right sides of a commonly named wall, so logically it made sense to see where that "trail" went. And, because of the existence of a faint trail, it appears other people made that logical mistake.

But now, we have it conveniently recorded for the benefit of other climbers. If you are at Slippery Apron L and want to get to Slippery Apron R, do NOT go into the bushes along the Slippery Apron wall, instead go back down into the wash and then up. It may seem out of the way, but it will save you about an hour and a headache the size of New York.

Joshua Tree has its fair share of heinous approaches too, primarily in the form of boulderfields. There is a surprising variation in the difficulty of one boulderfield compared to another and the level of difficulty is rarely obvious from the bottom. Some are relatively easy, others are particularly scary fields I call "hellboulderado fields." Sometimes a single boulderfield changes personality, where it is easier at the bottom and scarily-heinous as you near the wall. On our maps we indicate the difficulty level we encountered with each field, giving climbers fair warning. I have written about a particularly frustrating experience with a very difficult boulderfield in JTree.

NOTE ON THESE IMAGES: The GPS trail data is being shown over a satellite image to assist with visual references only. Our maps do not use satellite imagery as the background for several reasons (see the section titled "Map Processing and Satellite Imagery" on the Methodology page of our website to learn why).

Image 1: Shows the raw GPS data of the paths that were actually walked.
Image 2: Shows the post-processed trails, with the red trail indicating a "Soul Sucking" path. In this case you can clearly avoid that terrible path (and, on the map, we will discourage people from going on the red trail).
Image 3; Joshua Tree

Hover over or click on images to see comments:
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  • Home
  • Blog
    • WTF 5..7 Tour - Red Rock >
      • General >
        • WTF 5.7 Climbs
        • The Plan
        • Managing the Desert Heat
      • Black Velvet Canyon >
        • Lazy Buttress/Whisky Peak E >
          • Day 79: Schaeffer's Delight
          • Day 83: Ballantine Blast
          • Day 86: Lazy Buttress (Climb)
      • Calico 1 (1st Pullout) >
        • Amusement Park
        • Day 17: Civilization
        • Day 20: Panty Wall
        • Day 14: The Slab
        • Day 21: Wall of Death & Hamlet
        • Day 24: Child's Play
        • Day 49: Ultraman
        • Day 50: Dog Wall & Fixx Cliff
        • Day 51: Tuna and Chips
        • Day 53: Viagra Towers
        • Day 59 Iron Man - Necco Waif
        • Day 80 - Tuna Cookies
        • Day 80 - Diamond Dance - The Oasis
        • Day 81 - CarlyQuinn Crag
      • Calico 2 (2nd Pullout) >
        • Day 13: Meetup & Black Corridor
        • Day 28: Retirement Plan
        • Day 52: The Walrus, Running Man, & Sweet Pain
        • Day 54: USS Crag & Tsunami
        • Day 56: Great Red Book Wall
        • Day 66: The Gallery
      • First Creek Canyon >
        • First Creek Slabs >
          • Day 40: Falling Stars & Bad Moon Arising
          • Day 67: Smiley Face
          • Day 94: Romanian Rib Right
          • Day 95: Romanian Rib Left
        • Lotta Balls Wall >
          • Day 88: Lotta Brews
        • Romper Room >
          • Day 42: Algae on Parade
          • Day 67: Romper Room 2
        • Schoolyard >
          • Day 44: School Yard 1 - Deja Vu & Short Subject
          • Day 77: School Yard -Sunday School & Dunce's Corner
          • Day 89: Schoolyard Bully
        • Slot Club Area >
          • Day 78: Escondite
        • Strawberry Hill >
          • Day 43: This Ain't the F'n Way!
      • Icebox Canyon >
        • Day 12: Sunnyside & Frigid Air
        • Day 39: Necromancer - Hop Route
        • Day 57: Tarkus Crack (Tiki Cliff)
      • Juniper Canyon >
        • Jackrabbit Buttress >
          • Day 16: Myster Z
          • Day 35: Mz. Why
        • Rose Tower >
          • Day 64: Canola Cracks
          • Day 87: Olive Oil
      • Kraft Mountain >
        • Day 6 (and 90): Conundrum Crag
        • Day 7: Caligula Crag
        • Day 4: Three Peaks and Yin & Yang
        • Day 10: Winter Heat
      • Mt. Wilson >
        • Day 41: Limon
        • Day 72: Gentleman's Club - Silicone Sag
      • Oak Creek Canyon >
        • Day 37: Johnny Vegas
        • Day 65: Tan Line
        • Day 68: Byrd Pinnacle
        • Day 92: Beulah's Arete
      • Pine Creek Canyon >
        • Day 22: Mescalito E - Too Many Tantrums
        • Day 23: Mescalito E - Pauligk Pillar
        • Day 27: Straight Shooter Wall
        • Day 31: Robin Trowel (Abutment) & Stick Gully 1
        • Day 32-34: Flight Path
        • Day 34: Stick Gully 2 - Prelude
        • Day 36: Birdland
        • Day 38: Diarrhea Dialect (Bullnose Wall)
        • Day 48: Cat in the Hat
        • Day 62: Stick Gully - Box of Rain
        • Day 63: Cookie Monster
        • Day 69: Soloist Crack
      • Red Springs >
        • Day 2: Cowlick and Cannibal
        • Day 1: Cut Your Teeth, Hide & Seek, Happy Acres
        • Day 3: Dickies (Seems Like a Butt)
        • Day 8: Fringe
        • Day 5: Moderate Mecca
        • Day 9: Reptile & Fox Walls
        • Day 45: Gnat Man
        • Day 55: Coco Crag
        • Day 58: In Through the Out Door (Ridinghood Wall)
        • Day 91: Guys and Ghouls
      • Sandstone Quarry >
        • Day 29: High Scalin'
        • Day 47: Man's Best Friend & Americrag
        • Day 66: Hall of Fame - Ms. Adventure
      • Southern Outcrops >
        • Day 70 & 71: Chocolate Rocks
        • Day 82: Illusion Crag - Part 1
      • White Rock Springs >
        • Angel Food Wall >
          • Day 11: Group Therapy
        • Day 25: The Ledger
        • Seraphim Wall >
          • Day 91: Ride the Wind
      • Willow Springs >
        • Day 15: Mother's and Outhouse
        • Day 18: Mossy Ledges - Pussy Nuts
        • Day 19: Mossy Ledges 2
        • Day 26: Graduate Cliff - Pre Skool Part 1 >
          • Day 46: Pre Skool Part Deux
        • Day 60 & 61: Graduate Cliff 2
        • Day 30 - Gold Digger
        • Day 61: Ragged Edges - Footloose
        • Day 62: Case Face - Space Case
        • Day 73: Ragged Edges Area
        • Day 74 Peaches (Children's Wall)
        • Day 75 N' Plus Ultra 1 - Geezer Face & Lucky Charms
        • Day 76: N'Plus Ultra 2 - Pillar Talk & Chocolate Tranquility Fountain
        • Day 84: N'Plus Ultra Part 3 - Cereal Killer
        • Day 84: Lost Creek Canyon - Grey Matter
        • Day 85: Communist Plan at Lost & Found
        • Day 94: Double Pin-etration N'Plus Ultra
    • Meet Our Tools >
      • GPS Units
      • Van Life: Tankenstein >
        • Tankenstein Gets Gutted
        • Van Life: Rebuilding Tankenstein >
          • Glowing Disco Counter Top
          • Cold Food Storage
          • Bouldering-pad-bench
          • Insulation and Vent Fan
          • Quick Fixes
          • Kingsized Pullout Bed
      • Ultralight Exposure Protection Gear